I had New Year’s Eve Day off work and no one really with which to spend it. The fiancé was busy making perfectly swirled cones and after a good “aunt” visit to Adaela (who asked Leslie to stop talking to “her Kristin” J) I was on my own for the rest of the day. I went to Waterside to make a return. It was a beautiful day so I wandered around without purpose (and being a bit of a bitter Betty because of my loneliness). On a whim, I thought I would look around for wedding shoes. I went into Kate Spade where I found a pair I absolutely adored. The sales staff did a fabulous job at convincing me that I didn’t look like an awkward 12-year-old wearing heels after I pushed aside my flip-flops for Kate’s 3″ heels. Yes, I will be starting in heels but I will need to change out of the heels as soon as aesthetically possible. The lower I am to the ground the better it is for everyone involved. No one wants to see a bride eat the dance floor on her wedding day…actually, a lot of you semi-would and that’s why you are my friends.
So after my feel good moment with Adaela and a “lift” from Kate Spade, I headed further into Naples to go to Coastland Mall. My intention was to finish our registry, which I did, but only by default, because I refuse to make a third trip into a Macy’s to pretend I know what Jayce and I need. The bridal consultant informed me that they had not gotten shipment for weeks so after scanning some vital registry items like luggage tags and Keurig coffee, I got annoyed with the process and handed over my gun. I thought I would visit the Food Court to scope out the DQ competition and because food courts are rare these days. It was a much further walk than I anticipated and obviously, not super worth it when Charley’s Subs and Chik-Fil-A are the best options. I know, what did I expect, PF Changs? I waited for 10 minutes in the Chik-Fil-A line (Alex- remember when I called it “Chik-A-Fil-A” and tried to play it off as if I was joking. I wasn’t joking.) only to give up and go to Auntie Annie’s Pretzel. Woe is Kristin. If you aren’t feeling sorry for me by now, don’t worry, nothing about this story elicits sympathy. Nothing about my actual day should have made me so grumpy. For whatever reason, I was really caught up in my own little sad drama. So in an attempt to eat my sadness away I got BOTH a pretzel dog and a cinnamon sugar pretzel. Like a NORMAL person, I found a clean empty table and sat down to eat in peace. I had nowhere to be so why not people watch? So Life said, you want to people watch? Let’s give you a front row seat. Better yet, let the people watch you.
Midway through my pretzel dog, I spot a middle-aged man in an odd get-up: vest, leather straps of some sort, “sneakers”, sunglasses on indoors, etc. talking to a girl my age who was also sitting alone. Immediately, I was on guard for this character because it was evident after their brief encounter that she has no idea who he was. (I’m not sure he does either.) So naturally, he picks the table next to me and circles it like a hawk after prey (there are plenty of open tables). Now I’m annoyed because I know I am going to have to finish my pretzel dog and eat the dessert course of my pretzel lunch elsewhere. I’m almost wincing waiting for him to talk to me, but he doesn’t. Instead, lets out a loud sigh, grabs a wet noodle from the chair he’s about to sit on and throws in into the Styrofoam container of food from which he’s about to eat. No, folks, not on the corner- directly on top of the entrée. Then he spins the noodleless chair around and straddles it AC Slater style (the chair was bar height so it was a very awkward maneuver) and positions his chair directly facing me. He was also wearing bright green earplugs.
There is no moral to this story.
Maybe it was the lime earplugs, maybe it was the noodle’s second chance at consumption, either way, the situation brewing was enough to get me moving in another direction. My day wasn’t bad in the first place but watching that man potentially eat a dirty noodle wasn’t going to improve it either. So, I finished my pretzel elsewhere and got a waffle cone of Cookie Dough Dynamo Haagen-Dazs.
Sometimes you just need to get over yourself/have some ice cream/vacate the Food Court before things get weird.
LOL – Hilarious Krise.
PS: A little-known fact about life is the day of Dec 31st is probably the single most boring, uneventful day of the year. You go into it thinking there is cool stuff to do – but unless you are hosting a party or out-of-towners, nope – there is nothing.