The Last Lecture

I try to avoid writing critiques or reviews of books and movies. I’m not very current or very highbrow. My last trip to the movies was to see “Little Fockers” on Christmas Day with second row seats, far right. Before that, I honestly cannot remember the last time I went to the movie theater. I can say I usually have a book going. Two books ago I read the Catcher in the Rye which for the polarity of reactions I get from people would need a separate blog. In addition, everyone else read it in high school. Today, I finished the book, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. You might remember the story…it was a professor at Carnegie Mellon diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given just a few months to live, who gave his famous last lecture in front of four hundred people. (If you want to know more on the background, you can visit www.thelastlecture.com) I had always been fascinated by this human-interest story and all the buzz it got so I was excited to read the book. In addition, I’m a total sap and I feel that stories like this always have so much valuable insight and it did, it was just too difficult to find these insights amongst all the pages that played to his unbridled ego.

Multiple times in the book, Pausch admits to being arrogant in his younger days, overly frank (I would say curt), and analytic to a fault. Now let me say that this tenured professor accomplished many great things in the entertainment industry and in academia and has every right to be proud of those accomplishments. In the lecture and book, he is very concerned with what his children will take away from his messages and how they will remember him. Pausch spends so much of the book detailing the students he helped and his personal accomplishments that I think without knowing him (and sadly, they will not know him very well) his children might not gain from him any lessons in humility. In the way that he describes his wife, it seems that she, like most caregivers in her situation, was both selfless and humble, so perhaps he felt the need to take his message in a different direction. Regardless, what I expected to be a thought provoking collection of anecdotes and insights felt more like a glorified resume with a bit of sentiment mixed in. The book lacked a general sense of humility I would expect to accompany such a critical reflection of one’s life, but I haven’t been there so I really can’t say what dispositions I would or would not feel in Pausch’s situation; I just know I would value humility over most messages that my children could potentially take away.

The front jacket of the book offers some foreshadowing as it reads, “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” – Randy Pausch. Ok, I’m positive that someone else said that before the book was published in 2008. No way that Randy Pausch was the originator of that quote. In the first chapter, he asks himself when trying to frame up his lecture, “What do I, alone, truly have to offer?” In chapter 38, entitled “If at First you Don’t Succeed…, ” he lists some of his favorite clichés. Fail. In chapter 30, he tells a story about how his mother called him Randolph throughout his life despite his preference to be called Randy. He asked her, “Do you really believe your right to name me supersedes my right to have my own identity?” When she mailed him letters while he was away at college, she addressed the letters to Randolph Pausch. Upon receiving the letters, he would scribble “no such person at this address” and returned them to sender. I find this act pretty audacious. I didn’t even go “away” to college but I was so excited every time I got mail from home that if my parents addressed a care package to “Kristin Miller Gouda-Breath Stack”, I would have torn into that package of love all the same.

What bothered me the most and what really made it feel like the world’s longest resume were the countless detailed anecdotes of the girlfriends, students, and colleagues the author helped along the way and just how wildly successful that they had become on account of his help. Like the ex-girlfriend he kindly got out of debt by suggesting she got a job on Tuesdays instead of taking yoga on Tuesday nights to relieve the stress from her debt. How he risked his potential tenure to keep a student, Dennis, from being expelled because Pausch believed in what the student, who happened to be brilliant in computer sciences, could achieve. The chapter ends with one of those horrible “full circle statements” that I try (at times, unsuccessfully) to avoid in my blogs, “I enabled Dennis’s dream way back when he needed it… and now that I need it, he’s enabling mine.” As a reader, you get the feeling Pausch would have been good with just letting his audience know he enabled Dennis’ dream and ending the sentence right there. There are plenty more examples like this.

The saddest part about the book is that the overarching messages were valuable but Pausch’s bravado and at times, arrogance detracts from some of his important points like “Take time out. It’s not a real vacation if you’re reading email or calling in for messages.” Great point. Then we learned how Pausch handled this when his boss insisted that he be reachable during his MONTH long honeymoon. Pausch recorded the following on his voicemail, “Hi, this is Randy. I waited until I was thirty-nine to get married, so my wife and I are going away for a month. I hope you don’t have a problem with this, but my boss does. Apparently, I have to be reachable.” Then he gave them his in-law’s names and their hometown and gave the caller further directions, “If you call directory assistance, you can get their number. And then, if you can convince my new in-laws that your emergency merits interrupting their only daughter’s honeymoon, they have our number” (pg. 111).

See what I am getting at?

There are hundreds of books that will offer you inspiration or insight if that’s what you’re looking for at this point in your life. Pausch muddies the insights in The Last Lecture by incorporating his brash interactions with others and his countless stories of accomplishment (none of which involve becoming a good husband or father) that any sentiment you might have felt is completely erased. He makes good points and backs them up with ridiculous examples like his chapter on delegation. In one picture, he shows himself holding his 18 month old daughter’s bottle upright for her while she is eating. In the second picture, she’s holding the bottle (pg. 110).) Wow. Showing an infant holding his or her own bottle does not drive home the topic of delegation to me.

It is definitely a good book for the more overachieving, highly career-driven person and not recommendable to the more sociocentric/sappy personalities out there. Find your sap and quotables elsewhere.

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A Noodle’s Second Chance

I had New Year’s Eve Day off work and no one really with which to spend it. The fiancé was busy making perfectly swirled cones and after a good “aunt” visit to Adaela (who asked Leslie to stop talking to “her Kristin” J) I was on my own for the rest of the day. I went to Waterside to make a return. It was a beautiful day so I wandered around without purpose (and being a bit of a bitter Betty because of my loneliness). On a whim, I thought I would look around for wedding shoes. I went into Kate Spade where I found a pair I absolutely adored. The sales staff did a fabulous job at convincing me that I didn’t look like an awkward 12-year-old wearing heels after I pushed aside my flip-flops for Kate’s 3″ heels. Yes, I will be starting in heels but I will need to change out of the heels as soon as aesthetically possible. The lower I am to the ground the better it is for everyone involved. No one wants to see a bride eat the dance floor on her wedding day…actually, a lot of you semi-would and that’s why you are my friends.

So after my feel good moment with Adaela and a “lift” from Kate Spade, I headed further into Naples to go to Coastland Mall. My intention was to finish our registry, which I did, but only by default, because I refuse to make a third trip into a Macy’s to pretend I know what Jayce and I need. The bridal consultant informed me that they had not gotten shipment for weeks so after scanning some vital registry items like luggage tags and Keurig coffee, I got annoyed with the process and handed over my gun. I thought I would visit the Food Court to scope out the DQ competition and because food courts are rare these days. It was a much further walk than I anticipated and obviously, not super worth it when Charley’s Subs and Chik-Fil-A are the best options. I know, what did I expect, PF Changs? I waited for 10 minutes in the Chik-Fil-A line (Alex- remember when I called it “Chik-A-Fil-A” and tried to play it off as if I was joking. I wasn’t joking.) only to give up and go to Auntie Annie’s Pretzel. Woe is Kristin. If you aren’t feeling sorry for me by now, don’t worry, nothing about this story elicits sympathy. Nothing about my actual day should have made me so grumpy. For whatever reason, I was really caught up in my own little sad drama. So in an attempt to eat my sadness away I got BOTH a pretzel dog and a cinnamon sugar pretzel. Like a NORMAL person, I found a clean empty table and sat down to eat in peace. I had nowhere to be so why not people watch? So Life said, you want to people watch? Let’s give you a front row seat. Better yet, let the people watch you.

Midway through my pretzel dog, I spot a middle-aged man in an odd get-up: vest, leather straps of some sort, “sneakers”, sunglasses on indoors, etc. talking to a girl my age who was also sitting alone. Immediately, I was on guard for this character because it was evident after their brief encounter that she has no idea who he was. (I’m not sure he does either.) So naturally, he picks the table next to me and circles it like a hawk after prey (there are plenty of open tables). Now I’m annoyed because I know I am going to have to finish my pretzel dog and eat the dessert course of my pretzel lunch elsewhere. I’m almost wincing waiting for him to talk to me, but he doesn’t. Instead, lets out a loud sigh, grabs a wet noodle from the chair he’s about to sit on and throws in into the Styrofoam container of food from which he’s about to eat. No, folks, not on the corner- directly on top of the entrée. Then he spins the noodleless chair around and straddles it AC Slater style (the chair was bar height so it was a very awkward maneuver) and positions his chair directly facing me. He was also wearing bright green earplugs.

There is no moral to this story.

Maybe it was the lime earplugs, maybe it was the noodle’s second chance at consumption, either way, the situation brewing was enough to get me moving in another direction. My day wasn’t bad in the first place but watching that man potentially eat a dirty noodle wasn’t going to improve it either. So, I finished my pretzel elsewhere and got a waffle cone of Cookie Dough Dynamo Haagen-Dazs.

Sometimes you just need to get over yourself/have some ice cream/vacate the Food Court before things get weird.

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2010

Ok- sorry for the whiff on the first blog. I was just testing technical capabilities between Word and WordPress. My apologies loyal/disgruntled readers.

2010 marks my first full year as anything but an Ohioan. Instead of a New Year’s post where I make fun of my teenage resolutions (Kristin’s resolutions from age 15), I will just write a blurb on good findings in Florida/lessons learned/improvement over 2009, etc. Nothing overly insightful or worse, sentimental. Promise.

1. U turns. Now it really depends on how the city was engineered in the first place but for people like me, it does not really matter. I am not stellar with directions and I am sometimes impulsive. U-turns allow me the freedom to change routes very quickly. It seems almost contradictory to our laidback lifestyle to support such rash changes in direction- but do not let the Florida vibe fool you, Florida drivers are crazy.

2. Ohio is just TALKING about 70 mph. We have been at 70 mph since I remember coming here with my friend Cristina and her mom when Will Smith’s “Miami” was topping the charts. This year, I noticed “season” traffic but it didn’t bother me so much and neither have the crazy drivers. Granted, I have Jayce to kindly cart me around more of the time but I’m a lot more comfortable driving than I used to be.

3. Same goes with the heat. For someone who was ALWAYS cold in Ohio, you’d think I would have adjusted quickly to the tropical heat wave we get in the summer. False. It totally knocked me out my first summer. I would literally adjust my day’s activities around the peak temperatures of the day. This past summer, sure, it was hot, but not once did I stay inside in lieu of running to Target in the 95-degree heat. You get over it. I would also like to thank Mother Nature for two hurricane-free summers.

4. Sweet Baby Ray’s Barbecue Sauce© – I don’t know if grocery stores in Ohio sell this, but look for it. I don’t think I can ever go back to Heinz after this. I’m not saying it’s Florida specific, but the good people down here alerted to me to this wonderful addition to all things grilled. Please don’t start talking about the Montgomery Inn BBQ sauce either. This stuff is actually accessible and affordable. Say it out loud to yourself, it’s even fun to say! Do it.

5. Don’t worry- I won’t get sappy. I “found” Jayce in 2009, but we got engaged this September. It’s a big thing and I have Florida to thank (and Sarah).

6. I get to be an “aunt.” I have no brothers and sisters so I knew that my kids would never have aunts, uncles, cousins, etc on my side. Then I fell in love with another only child and boom- there went all chances of “kids table” at Thanksgiving and Christmas for the cousins. However, this week I made another realization; neither Jayce nor I will ever BE aunts or uncles to any little ones. I can’t say I’m not kind of bummed about this because aunts/uncles have the potential to be some of the coolest relatives. Thankfully, I have some pseudo nieces down here that I can spoil, babysit for, read books with, call on Christmas morning, handle watermelon incidents, you name it.

7. I had a chance to fundraise for the American Heart Association and I did it with the help of my amazingly motivated and generous coworkers. As of tonight (and I promise I haven’t checked in at least week), Chico’s FAS is only $125 short of being the top fundraiser in Lee County for this year’s Heart Walk. In 2009, Chico’s had about 25 walkers show up and generated $9,000 for the AHA. This year, we had 500 walkers show up and we have raised just over $55,000. It was an amazing experience but I also have learned my personal limits. I won’t be a company leader again next year with the demands of work and enjoying my time as a newlywed. Saying “no” is something I’m just learning how to do…

8. And another reason I won’t be as involved in the Heart Walk would be the side business I started in June. Unless we haven’t spoken in a long time, you know much of my energy and passion has been devoted to a little business called the lucky button (www.theluckybutton.com). It started out as an etsy site in June and by now, I’ve sold over 75 items and have shop space in a shop concept in downtown Fort Myers called the Franklin Shops. the lucky button has been a great creative outlet for me and somewhat therapeutic if I’m feeling lonely or bored. This year we will be launching a “real” website and should have at least 10 different graphics from which to choose. It’s small like our customers, but every single sale truly makes me feel excited and it’s a good feeling. After all, as adults how many things in life truly excite us?

10. I have a twitter account for the lucky button and barely use it. In fact, I feel too old to tweet.

FYI- The Flesch-Kincaid reading level of this post was a 7.9.

3% of the sentences were passively written. (Yes, I amuse myself.)

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I can’t care

Wedding planning challenges me as a female in ways I’m not ready to deal with or care about. It brings my inadequacies in the fields of cooking, domesticity, and liking the colors purple and pink further to light. People who know me mild to moderately well assume that because of my semi-neurotic personality, I will have this wedding planned down to the minute with the metallic text on the cocktail napkins meant to highlight the groomsmen’s cufflinks and bridesmaid’s glittery eye shadow. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

We got engaged in early September and with mild enthusiasm I picked up a few wedding magazines to start figuring out colors and other big picture ideas. Almost immediately I had people asking me what my colors were as if I should have owned the bridal magazines before getting engaged (because that makes any man want to drop to a knee and hand you a diamond). For weeks I tried to dodge the color question. Finally, some girls got fed up and asked me if I hadn’t been thinking about this day since I was little? Playing wedding with my barbies? Or dress up with white towel for a veil? No, the simple fact is my mom always preferred pink or blue towels to better match the bathroom. I never stood a chance.

So with about exactly six months to go, I have a lot of big wins to share (not that I can ever remember them when people ask how wedding planning is going): a ceremony and reception site (menu, décor TBD), a DJ, a dress, a wedding party et flower girl, a photographer with completed engagement pictures, the start of a wedding website, and yes, colors. I picked the wedding location sight unseen and the DJ is the first one who was recommended to us. I’m well aware of what I don’t have done thanks to daily emails from the Knot- a website for brides-to-be who want to check last six-year trend of the weather for their wedding date and location. I’m serious.

In a brave moment, I opened a Knot magazine. In the front of the magazine is a section for questions on wedding etiquette that elicits reader questions such as this burning question, “My wedding is in 87 days and no one has offered to throw me a bridal shower yet. What do I do?” Now if I were the editor in chief, I’m sure I would have told her what she could go do or why people didn’t feel interested in throwing her a bridal shower, but instead, I just closed the magazine disheartened. Sure, there’s the book Wedding Etiquette for Dummies (which I own) but there are no solid resources for girls that don’t particularly care about the minutia of their wedding and don’t have the money to pay for a wedding planner. Girls who care more about having their friends and family being all in one place at one time than the personalized postage stamps for the invites. Girls who are too busy with work, charity, or grad school to travel a circuit of parties to listen to different DJ’s play the same list of songs in different orders. Girls who can’t care.

This month, the Knot says I should pick out my accessories, select my florist, and order invitations. This month I’ll be lucky to get out Save the Dates or register for something more important than razor refills and beach towels. What I will get done this month? Celebrating the holidays with some of the loved ones who have offered to throw me bridal showers 1xx (?) days out, sparing me the trouble of creating a bridal pseudonym for a national magazine’s question section so that I could be covertly uncouth. Phew.

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Social Studies (Not the Tanchevski kind)

Sometimes I wish I were exorbitantly wealthy so that I could fund absolutely random social studies. I have many unfounded theories on people which proven correct or incorrect, would have no impact on the betterment of society or society at all BUT would be the sort of random human factoid that makes a small graph on the front page of USA Today or gives morning DJ’s an extra 20 seconds of filler airtime. In no particular order, here are theories/trends I think should be further investigated:

1. Do all boys enter a phase of puberty in which they find puka shell necklaces to be the perfect accent to all attire or no attire?

2. In light of the economic downturn and the green movement, has the number of grown ass men riding bikes with no hands grown exponentially? I cannot wrap my head around the number of male bikers I’ve seen riding with their arms crossed looking at an intersection full of cars like each driver just got owned for keep his or her hands on the wheel. What’s up Fort Myers?!?

3. At some point, do all girls put that they are “in a relationship” with one of their best friends on Facebook?

4. What conditions make a young man ready to bare his ankles when wearing boat shoes and long pants? Why, then, does this man grow old and decide to start wearing shorts and render socks necessary with boat shoes/loafers? I know for girls, there’s a ratio of skin to show that allows you to be classy and attractive. For example, if you’re wearing a shorter skirt go with a fairly conservative top. If you are showing ankle, don’t show leg, and vice a versa.

5. Who is the owner of this vehicle? (hint: he lives in Fort Myers)

6. How many of you looked at the puka shell just dying to recognize someone? J

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